Manifesto: derived from the Latin manifestum, meaning clear or conspicuous.
Yeah cool so I don’t think I have enough words or clarity of purpose for a manifesto but it makes for a more intelligent title then ‘whiny single girl rant’.
Disclaimer I have been single my whole life except two roughly 6 month intervals of ‘being in a relationship’. I am now single again. I am also white, privileged and living my best life in London. So don’t feel sorry for me. Now to ranting.
What I find irritating about V day in no particular order:
Those obligatory near V day articles about ‘What I learned from being single for 3 minutes’. Can I have a Bitch please? How about being single basically your entire LIFE!?
These articles often insist that we all have to learn something from being single. Whether the lesson is a ‘aha’ moment hiking alone on some mountain. Or acquiring a new hobby: painting with bonus mindfulness, dancing like a third rate Beyonce or knitting whilst discussing Shakespeare etc.
The point these types of articles imply is being single is a state of ‘other’. Therefore this ‘other’ state must provide an experience to grow from. Some value must be gleaned from it. We can’t just be single and unproductive apparently. Taking this logic further (if you could call this rage logic) people in relationships apparently don’t need this ‘find yourself’ moment. They carry on, blissfully stunted. They do not experience the particular joy of a singles lock and key party, discussing the merits of tacos with a tiny dude who is perhaps 21 at a pinch. Shame.
The fuck boys of Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel who leverage V Day to widen their appeal.
Definition of a Fuck Boy:
Tight tee-shirt/top off showing semblance of abs, extensive use of emojis instead of words in bio (surfing emoji, travel emoji, weight lifting emoji). Job ‘entrepreneur’. Photos of: with the boys, with a baby anyone’s baby will do, a dog also not his and a wedding picture to show he wears a suit really well. Optional addition of a snap-chat handle.
The hapless clueless boys who have failed to grasp how savage online dating is particularly nearing V Day.
Definition of Clueless boys:
Bio ‘I am no good at writing about myself, just ask’. Well sorry to say dude but NEWSFLASH it is a brutal world out there. A grainy photo of you in your bedroom with your dirty washing piled unceremoniously in the corner?! Ain’t gonna cut it. If you can’t ‘sell me’ on your personality how to do you expect to get any sort of attention? Online dating is a buyers market so get hustling. And for god’s sake get your articulate friend, neighbor or cat to write your bio.
End rant for now and stay tuned for more dating adventures!